In the Old Testament, God formed His chosen people, the nation of Israel, from twelve tribes. These tribes were descendants of Jacob, birthed from each of his twelve sons. The mother of six of those sons was Leah. The honor placed on her through this role was nothing she felt in her lifetime. In fact, by the account given of her through Scripture we find her unattractive, unwanted and unloved. In searching for those evidences of her worth, we also find her obsessively driven to earn that love through bearing sons to Jacob. Unfortunately, being fruitful yet unwanted essentially describes a weed.

I’ve spent my summers planting and watering, feeding and pruning various plants and flowers in hopes that they would grow to be healthy. More than once, I envisioned the color that I hoped would be more abundant next year as my garden spread and matured. And year after year, I either ignored or resented the little yellow-flowered dandelions that grew without effort in my yard. Though I looked forward to flowers multiplying, they weren’t the ones I chose or desired. Such was Jacob’s attitude toward Leah.

After years of disregard, the dandelions finally caught my attention as they grew to seed. I noticed one day how beautifully they captured and radiated the light. As I looked closely at one, I realized how intricate and delicate it was, its seeds poised to take flight for a new life with one strong gust of wind. For the first time, I recognized that the ugliness I had attributed to these flowers was for no other reason than for the fact that I didn’t want them. And putting the irrelevance of my opinion aside, I now saw them in quite a different way than before.

They seemed intent only to revel in their Creator as they glowed in delight of His light, standing tall and confident in the way He had made them. They thrived in what they were created for, neither seeking aid nor planned purpose by me, or any other. How much happier would Leah’s life have been if she too could have focused only on her Creator? Had she rejoiced in the identity she had in Him, knowing just how much she was wanted and loved, her true beauty would have been evident.

Like Leah, much of my life has been spent trying to earn the approval of others by offering what I thought they wanted. In so doing, I’ve trapped myself time and time again in a state of perpetual loneliness, unhappiness and frustration. The irony is that I end up feeling that way even when I do receive the love or gratitude my efforts were aiming for. If I’ve “earned” love, the thought of losing it eventually overwhelms me. The weight of the level of performance I feel I must maintain to keep that love eventually breaks me. And the gratitude itself eventually saddens me. The joy of being appreciated for what I’ve offered ultimately fades into the shadow of the void deep within my soul. The cry of my heart grows louder over every word of thanks, desperate to be heard for what I truly need - to be able to feel and believe that disregarding what I’ve given, I’m loved and wanted simply because of who I am.

The fullness of what both Leah and I have sought has always been found in understanding God’s love. He’s loved us in our beauty, but also as much in our ugliness. He’s loved us no more in our abilities as when we’ve had nothing left to offer. He has never loved us so He can use us. He just loves us. He doesn’t want us to strive for His acceptance, but to accept the endless, immeasurable love that He freely gives. And He wants each one of us to rejoice in the way He’s created us.

Only when we can fully accept these things - separate from anything else - can we find true, lasting usefulness through Him. Our motives become pure, seeking to please and honor the only One who can define us. We can truly excel in whatever unique plan He has for each of our lives once we let go of striving to find in others what only God can give - true meaning to our lives. And we can live out those lives with the peace and confidence of knowing that we’ve been truly loved and deeply cherished through every step of the way.

The beauty of that truth within us will never fail in shining through.